Boys and girls, this is not a drill.
Week 6 taught us quite a few goofy things. The Chiefs looked mortal (again). Jameis Winston re-opened his turnover shop. The refs were pretty bad.
Here is one major headline for all 31 teams after six weeks of action. Miami, you still do not count.
Bye weeks: Buffalo Bills, Indianapolis Colts, Oakland Raiders, Chicago Bears
Buffalo Bills: When will someone take us seriously?
Indianapolis Colts: We are ready for T.Y. Hilton to massacre the Texans yet again. Did you know that Hilton has 100 yards in seven of 15 career games against the Texans?
Oakland Raiders: We are still in a playoff spot!
Chicago Bears: Thankfully, we will get to return to the friendly confines of Soldier Field.
Patriots 35, Giants 14
Patriots: Welcome to the NFL, Daniel.
Daniel Jones: Thank you.
Stephon Gilmore: I am your worst nightmare.
Jones: You are?
Gilmore: Here’s an interception and five passes defended.
Jones: How?
Fantasy owners everywhere: Brady had two rushing touchdowns?
Panthers 37, Buccaneers 26
Jameis Winston: Let’s start the game with an interception.
Winston: Let’s throw a second.
Winston: And a third.
Winston: And a fourth.
Winston: And a fifth.
Panthers: Thank you for the win.
Ravens 23, Bengals 17
Bengals: Touchdown on the first play!
Ravens: We doubled you in time of possession.
Colin Kaepernick: Welcome to the 200 passing yards and 150 rushing yards club, Lamar.
Vikings 38, Eagles 20
Zach Brown: Kirk Cousins sucks!
Kirk Cousins: Here are four reasons why you should not have a job.
Eagles: We have released Zach Brown.
Redskins 17, Dolphins 16
Terry McLaurin: Touchdown!
Terry McLaurin: Touchdown!
Dolphins: We are going to pretend we are not tanking, but on a two-point conversion to win the game, we are going to call the dumbest screen pass in NFL history. Congrats on the win, Washington.
Texans 31, Chiefs 24
Texans: Deshaun Watson is the best quarterback in the league!
Chiefs: Um, he is not even the best quarterback in this game.
Texans: Check the scoreboard.
Saints 13, Jaguars 6
Saints: Teddy Bridgewater is 4-0 as a starter.
Jaguars: Minshew Mania gave out more mustaches than points today.
Seahawks 32, Browns 28
Browns: Touchdown!
Russell Wilson: Touchdown!
Baker Mayfield: I can run as well. Touchdown!
Browns: Touchdown!
Seahawks: We are NSYNC today.
Jaron Brown: You want an encore?
Nick Chubb: I can do an encore, touchdown!
Seahawks: Touchdown!
Mayfield’s receivers: What are hands? What do I use them for? What is catching a pass?
49ers 20, Rams 7
49ers: We are undefeated!
Jared Goff: What is a completion?
Cardinals 34, Falcons 33
Falcons: We strike first blood!
Cardinals: Here’s a 17-0 run for your troubles.
Falcons: Points!
Cardinals: Here’s a 10-0 run for your troubles.
Matt Ryan: I am the 2016 MVP Matty Ice.
Cardinals: Touchdown!
Falcons: Touchdown!
Matt Bryant: Whoops.
Jets 24, Cowboys 22
Jets fans: JESUS IS BACK, AND HE WEARS NO. 14!
Brett Maher: I can make from 50 yards.
Sam Darnold: Here is the longest touchdown in the NFL this season.
Darnold: Here is another touchdown to extend the lead to 18.
Maher: I can make from 62 yards.
Maher: I can make from 32 yards.
Maher: I cannot make from 40 yards.
Ezekiel Elliott: Touchdown!
Refs: Here are 17 flags for 173 yards.
Dak Prescott: Touchdown!
Jets: We got a stop!
Broncos 16, Titans 0
Broncos: Our defense is playing well now.
Titans: Bye, Marcus. Hello, Ryan.
Steelers 24, Chargers 17
Steelers: That’s a nice season you are having.
Devlin Hodges: Quack!
Chargers: What is that?
Steelers: That is our third-string quarterback and former duck-calling champion.
Hodges: 24-0 lead.
Philip Rivers: Not on my watch!
Hunter Henry: Remember me?
Henry: Stephen A. Smith accidentally remembered me.
Steelers: Do you remember that you are a choke artist?
Rivers: I need the Heimlich!
Packers 23, Lions 22
Packers: Um…
Lions: Um…
The entirety of NFL fanbases: Um…
Referees: Illegal use of hands
Trey Flowers: No.
Refs: Illegal use of hands
Booger McFarland: That is egregious.
